In praise of failing.

Free yourself to be profitable and enjoy the simple things in life

Two summers ago, my friend Kent read tarot cards for me.

I was pretty darn proud of how positive they all were.

And then, he drew a card for my future.

“This one is about how you think about failure,” he said.

“You are climbing the ladder, moving towards what you think is winning,” he went on, “and then you have to face the fact everything you thought about failure is dead wrong.”

That sort of thing really spooks me.

It’s like getting your fortune read: “you will find a fly in your soup… but only after you’ve eaten it.”

I’m much more comfortable preventing, outsmarting, or avoiding life’s more unsavory moments. But that’s not often how it works, now, is it?

For awhile now, my friends and colleagues and clients and I have been having fascinating conversation about what “success” really is.

And what I’ve discovered is that it has come full circle.

Before I started my business, I was making $17-20 an hour teaching high school, cleaning houses, and working in a non-profit. My idea of success wasn’t making lots of money—it was serving others, being free, and living a simple, rich life.

Then I started my company, and something curious happened.

I started making money.

Whoa!

So, I had to deal with the fact that I was terribly conflicted about making money.

I wanted to be able to afford going to the dentist, say, but I was worried on a deep level about becoming isolated and disconnected, as some (wealthy) people can be.

Well, I worked through that money stuff. And saw that I was telling myself an “either-or” story about financial abundance and being a great person.

But, as my friend Susan Liddy says, “new level, new devil.”

Making money became my NEW definition of success.

What happened next?

Stockholm syndrome. Making money was holding the rest of my life captive… and yet I was feeling completely positive about it.

I’d rather overdone it. I see that now.

But in the moment, I just kept working.

Until I got really sick.

So sick, that I had to leave my business and go to the hospital for 3 days. (I even ate hospital jell-o. That’s how bad it was).

Here’s the thing about linking your self-worth exclusively to your net worth: if you aren’t making money, you feel wretched.

Recently, I spoke at an event in California, where a speaking and performance coach (Stephen Memel) mentioned in HIS talk that there was a time in his life when he’d totally linked up his performance ability to his feeling of self-worth.

As an actor, when he nailed his performance, he felt good.

When he didn’t give such a show-stopping performance, he felt bad.

“I had to figure out how to uncouple the two,” he said. “So that now matter how a particular performance went, I was okay.”

That struck me.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I’d done the EXACT same thing with success in my business.

No good can come of this. It’s just another way a person can beat herself up.

Well, nuts to that!

What I’ve learned is that this sort of “success”—always on the go, making the numbers, growing-growing-growing—isn’t for me.

It’s not for many of my clients, either. They want to grow their businesses and make a fabulous living… AND, more often than not, they want to take time off to be with their kids or have adventures that don’t have anything to do with making money.

Can I get an AMEN?

So, what IS my version of success then? Turns out, it’s the same thing it was when I didn’t own a car, a TV, or a phone that’s smarter than I am.

Serving others, being free, and living a simple, rich life.

It’s having energy at the end of the workday to ring a friend, make dinner, or sit on the balcony with a cocktail and watch the cars go by.

It’s not checking email on the weekend because you’re out riding bikes.

It’s waking up and feeding your soul before your touch your computer.

It’s rearranging your schedule when your body tells you to take rest and slow down.

It’s taking 4 days off a week instead of just 2… or two months off a year. And figuring out how to grow a business around THAT.

I wish you YOUR version of success—and if you feel inspired to share it, leave a comment below. I’m curious!

And HEY! I’m hosting an event to get your marketing mojo working next week, November 5-9th. I’ve asked 12 of my friends and colleagues to share their tips and tools for building an audience and reaching out to new potential clients. It’s the “Sleaze-Free Marketing Event”. There’s no cost to attend, and I’m making sure each speaker gives plenty of practical tips. Attend as many talks as you like. To register: www.sleazefreemarketing.com.

Mighty thanks to Tim Geers flickr photostream for freedom