“You’d get bored with someone who’s normal”
I was telling a friend that I was feeling fear about hosting my event. But she saw through me. “There is a saying, fear is excitement without breath.”
Ah, there’s the rub.
I dropped my story and started breathing. What was interesting was that I’m not actually afraid — I’m excited. I’ve got 35 people flying in to have this conversation about something I really want to talk to other business owners about. I’m humbled by the whole thing. I keep having to pinch myself, that I get to have this conversation with people, and that they are curious. Gives me the tingles, the butterflies, and the kid-at-Christmas feeling, all rolled into one.
“There’s this thing we develop as adults, where we think it’s not cool to visibly show our excitement,” she said. She demonstrated what kids are like, wriggling, emotive, expressive.
When did we lose that?
When did I lose that?
That animation. That expressiveness. That enthusiasm that lights up your whole face like someone turned the switch on.
Okay, I’m half lying right now. I have that plenty. But when I am about perform, like I am today, sometimes a veil falls over that pure emotion.
I was telling M last night, “be nice to me; I am hosting an event.” He basically said back something to the effect of, “I will do no such thing.”
He kills me. I get so mad at him for like 15 seconds, and then I get it.
Okay, that’s a lie too. I often don’t get it. I want him to coddle me. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he refuses. It’s the biggest compliment any one has ever given me, to stand up to me when I want coddling. It makes me crazy — what do you mean, you’re telling me no?! — but there is a depth and a wisdom to it that I have been looking for my whole life.
I tried to argue with him, telling him why I need him to suspend his personality for 3 days in order to support me. He doesn’t even stay in the room, he’s that confident. “You haven’t seen me when I host events before!” I shout down the hallway. “It’s a big deal!”
He says from the bathroom “Yes, I have.” And then he lists two other events that he has lived through with me. Damn his memory.
“I know you,” he says. “I know how you work.”
And then the kicker (which secretly melts me): “I know how to handle you.”
#damn #myman
Sometimes I tell him that I must be pretty dark and twisty inside to love him like I do. Because he’s a handful. I make sure to remind him of this so he doesn’t forget. He draws no quarter: “You’d get bored with someone who’s normal.”
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