Does making people feel bad sell more?

As a sensitive person who believes that words have real power, I’m amazed by how many entrepreneurs write copy that is so shaming and negative towards the very people they want to hire them.

The tone of so much sales copy is so:

  1. unbelievable
  2. fake
  3. putting people down

That it really leaves me wondering.

Who on earth would that sort of approach actually work on?

If you’ve been in any marketing 101 class, you’ve probably been told you need to “touch their pain” – or at least name what they are struggling with or overwhelmed by.

Yet many of my clients who write with me – from intuitives to relationship coaches – talk about the fact that everything we put out there is what comes back to us.

In other words, we reap what we sow.

So if you talk about being broke, struggling, overwhelmed, and anything remotely fear-driven… guess what that brings more of into your life?

Which is why it’s perplexed me to see entrepreneurs writing this ham-fisted copy that’s really bald and overpromising and intense (and not in the good way).

It’s all over the internet, really.

People pedaling struggle, overwhelm, fear, and “you can’t handle this without paying me for my 5-step system.”

And I get that for many people, that sh*t works.

But the artist in me, the human being, the playwright and the lover of people just goes “ew.”

On a visceral level.

Like, hose me off and remind me NOT to JV partner with THAT guy (or gal).

“Hooray!,” I can almost hear some of you saying, “I can just write about transformation and rainbows and life coaching!”

Oh, please for the love of all that’s holy, no.

That’s not what I’m saying.

You still need to solve an honest-to-goodness problem.

You still need to name the gap – clearly, powerfully – between where they are now… and the place where they want to be (that you can help them get to with your service).

But I’m really over the crappy, fast food style copy that assumes that your clients are drooling idiots who couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag without you.

Who thinks life works like that? And what are you smoking?

Yes, grace and ease and receiving all that, but, really?

Everything in my life that I value – from my friendships to my relationship with the Philosopher, to the career choices I’ve made (“ride bikes instead of sit in cubicles”) – has been hammered out, fought for, or received because of some daring, some decision, some trust in life that I wasn’t entirely sure would work out.

I am so deeply tired of the airbrushed, empty promises held out by the marketing of so many.

I feed on inspiration and possibility as much as the next guy.

But I need it to feel real.

Not sugar coated.

Not even 100% money back guaranteed.

Anyway.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Also?

You don’t have to make people feel bad about themselves to get them to hire you.

You just need to connect with where they are now. And what’s unworkable. And then let them know that you know how to help them create a new possibility for their lives. Along the way, you treat them as well as you would if they were sitting in front of you, face to face.

What’s interesting is how much of the seemingly illusive magic of “client attraction” is actually just treating people with old-fashioned kindness, respect, and humanity.

Love this article? I’m teaching a free class on finding your distinctions in the Craft Your Message production lab. It started October 21st, 3-4:15pm EST, but it’s not too late to join us! To register AND get my all new free guide: “10 Ways to Make Writing Easier, More Profitable and Sound Like the Real You” click here.

Mighty thanks to Dawn Ellis flickr photostream for “Making It Work: Down 2 Business”

Stella Orange is a copywriter who helps people put their work into words. For eight years, she wrote email campaigns that resulted in more than a million dollars in sales for her clients. In that time, Stella also taught popular marketing writing workshops to business owners on both sides of the Atlantic -- and a few in Australia and New Zealand. In 2017, Stella cofounded a creative and consulting shop offering a complete and slightly unorthodox line of business advising and marketing services. She continues to write copy and advise clients on customer delight, how to resonate with more sophisticated, discerning clientele in your marketing, and just who, exactly, your ideal clients are. Stella is the founder of Show Up And Write, a weekly writing group and writes a letter every two weeks or so (here’s the sign-up). She lives with the Philosopher and their two kiddos in Buffalo, New York, a fifteen-minute bike ride to the Canadian border.

3 Comments


  1. Jessamina

    Oh thank you for this…Those words..overwhelm, struggle etc.. always get my goat too. I don’t want to use them..Thank you for showing me how-not-to! XO

  2. Julie

    Great post Stella and so, so true – that’s why I am grateful for teachers like you! When I hear, “touch on their pain” I always feel icky. Thanks for allowing us to believe that there is another way 🙂

  3. Stacey

    Timely post. Thank you, Stella! I’ve been learning so much from your blog.

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