Why do people keep telling you to “touch their pain”?
One of the things you always hear about writing copy (copy = “words that sell”) is that you need to “touch their pain.”
That is, you need to stir up whatever pain your potential clients are in, so that they FEEL it, and recognize that they are in the market for a solution.
Typically, it’s the solution you offer.
Now, when I am writing with a client and he says “I know I need to touch their pain,” I smile ever so faintly, and step on to my soapbox.
After I take a deep breath, here is what I say:
“There is enough pain and suffering in the world already, without you writing copy that touches it. So, how about finding another way to make a connection with your reader. Okay?”
Because if someone was trying to sell ME something by touching MY pain, I would tell them to quit touching me.
I don’t need reminders of my pain, struggle or overwhelm to buy things.
Maybe you’re like that, too.
And more sophisticated, more successful clients are DEFINITELY like that.
We’re actually talking about “client attraction” here. And what I’m about to tell you flies in the face of conventional copywriting and marketing wisdom. (I’ve written about this in terms of “pull questions” here).
Now, here’s my beef:
You don’t need to literally use the words “overwhelm” or “struggle” to talk about your ideal client’s problem.
There, I said it. Too many business owners are getting trained that to write hot copy, you need to write “pull questions” like these:
– Do you struggle to find new clients?
– Are you overwhelmed with everything you need to do to market your business?
Here, we are imagining you are in the business of serving business owners around attracting new clients.
Those questions are okay.
But I strongly suspect those questions will “pull in” people who are stuck in struggle and overwhelm.
Now, maybe those are people YOU love to work with.
Some people like working with people who are really stuck. And some people don’t.
I don’t. Many of my clients don’t.
If this imaginary business owner were MY client, I’d want them to write something like this:
- Do most of your clients come to you by referral—but your online marketing is a hot mess?
- Are you working on attracting great clients who happily pay you higher rates—but you aren’t sure exactly how to make it happen?
See how we’re targeting someone who is ALREADY winning here?
Now, there’s a caveat here: this is a more advanced idea, for those of you who have been at this awhile. If you are starting out, you may need to target clients in a more basic way, until YOU are really clear about the problems you solve that they are willing to pay for.
Messaging #ftw (= “for the win”) — Look at the ways you describe the problem your clients have when they’re hungry to work with someone like you. Let’s be clear: you still need to name the problem, so they see they really want to work with you. Just give yourself permission to let go of the white-knuckle-death-grip on the whole “touch the pain” thing.
Instead, SHOW them how their problem is showing up in their lives. Remember, writing “you are overwhelmed” is way colder and less engaging than “you are drinking 2 glasses of wine every night after work, because you have this crazy frenetic energy that won’t let you rest.” Work on describing—briefly—how that struggle, overwhelm, and other stuff they don’t want is showing up in their daily lives.
What gets to happen when you do this – you stamp out fear trolling as a legitimate way to manipulate people into taking action. Which, karmically, will do good things for you and your business. And as you flex this muscle of being more specific about how the problem is showing up—and focus on attracting clients who are ALREADY successful, ALREADY winning—you will write stronger copy. And when you write stronger copy, you will get a bigger response.
Mighty thanks to santheo flickr photostream for the cast
18 Comments
I love the way you fleshed out “show, don’t tell” here, Stella. Prevailing wisdom says we have to tell them what their problem is — balderdash. They already know! What we need to do, I think, is sneak into their story surprise them into saying, “Wow! She gets me!” Thanks for strumming the chord of hope instead of poking at pain.
Thanks, this was refreshing! I liked the way you approached this topic and loved sflemings comment about the chord of hope and not poking the pain!
Hi Stella!
Good post. Frankly, I’m saddened by all the manipulation that goes on about how to have a conversation with a client, like the touch their pain. If we are going to be transparent, why are we even thinking like that to begin with? Why don’t we just meet with them and be a human? Why try to learn the right thing to say at all?
I just spread my enthusiasm. I’m a lighthouse — if folks like my light they follow it to me and vice versa.
I have also taken a vow to “do good” in the world. It takes me where I need to go!
Thanks, G.
BAM! Love it. Immediately got, “Do you look at the kale but bring the cookies home with you?” Thank you!
I agree, I get really annoyed when I get these super painful, sad scenarios sent to me. I find it condesending-unless it really touches a chord but in a non-manipulative way. And I hate really long long sales copy it’s maddening! I dont’ read it. But I dont know if I”m the norm.
Hi Stella,
I just wanted to say thank you for this post. I “struggle” a lot with communicating with my audience in a way that feels encouraging and authentic, so this helped shed some light for me.
I really liked your advanced way of marketing, targeting clients that are already doing well and just need some extra help. I’m at a point in my business where I’m learning how *importante* marketing is, and how to use my voice to attract my ideal clients.
Thank you again, and I look forward to reading more. I also signed up for your call with Elizabeth that I’m so looking forward to.
Much love,
Sirena
Bingo! The standard “touch the pain” come on always seemed so ham-fisted to me. Love the clear, elegant alternatives you shared!
Hi Giulietta,
I once attended a talk on the “yoga of relationship” where husband and wife yoginis said this: we are all manipulating one another.
Especially in relationships.
I manipulate my sweetie to do the dishes. He manipulates me to stop working and snuggle with him on the couch.
That said, I get your point–there’s a way to manipulate that is selfish and not necessarily win-win…and we see a lot of it in marketing.
To that, I’d argue there’s also a way to manipulate in a way that people actually WANT to be manipulated in, too. It’s called influence.
Thanks for writing,
Stella
Rachel,
Super. Next step: look at how to inject emotion into it. How do they FEEL about this?
Thanks for writing,
Stella
Kala,
Hard to say what the norm is, right? Although I do love reading long sales letters (twisted, huh?) especially when they are written by masters, and in a way that’s in integrity. It’s like watching theater.
But I’m with you, the super-painful stuff doesn’t motivate me to act–it tends to turn me off. I wonder if I can find an exception to that rule.
Thanks for posting!
Hi Sirena,
I find that being authentic and transparent alone doesn’t always work, either. I might get stoned for writing that. 🙂 The best marketers (who I respect) also have studied how to make offers and SELL in a way that’s aligned with their values and integrity. It’s a balance.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks, Anne. Next step is to test these ideas with response rates. To the laboratory!
{grin}
Stel
You’re damn good Stella!!
Now I have to go rewrite my entire copy because I’m TOTALLY guilty of touching people’s pain — per an old mentor’s expertise.
…Or I can just hire you 😀
Jessica,
Well, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet. Mostly, I want people to be aware that more sophisticated clients think the “touch your pain” thing is hokey. You still need to pick a problem to solve — the trick is to express it in a way that pinpoints what it is, without making your reader feel like a loser. Or that’s how I look at it, anyway. Thanks for writing! If you want to talk, set up a consult.
AAAAAA Men, AAAAAA Men (sung like Hozier) Thanks Stella for flashing the Orange light on “touching the pain”
I loved this post, Stella! Thank you for being a refreshing voice in a wasteland of pain-wallowing. And let’s be honest; that stuff is boring to write!
Mmmmmmm, yes. Love this Stella. The “pull” in the beginning means you’ll be “pulling” them the entire time you are working together. No fun for anyone. :/
I love the idea of writing to their desires (instead of their pain). I’ll definitely be moving through my copy and make sure I’m arousing their desire vs touching their fear/pain.
Love, love, love. Thank you, Darlin’. xo
I’m so with you.